COD2 Weapon Selection and Virtue

BASH Special Science Report, Jan 2007
Elron Humpershclitz, Senior Statistician; O. Mai Jonson Labs FLA.

Anyone playing even one hour of COD2 online will inevitably run across the argument over who's weapon is more manly.

How many of you have heard or read the following during online play:

"...put the noobstick away, that's thing's for pu**ies";

"Men don't use sniper rifles...come over here if you want to fight";

"LOL. You call that a gun? My grandmother's more lethal with her purse"

Well in an effort to put this argument to rest, BASH commisioned the Jonson Labs to determine the relative virtue of the more popular weapons used on Call of Duty 2.

The criteria we chose was Testicular Fortitude. This could easily be measured by our trained technicians. We rounded up 283 COD2 players during a gaming convention held late last year near Boca Raton. Each player was asked to identify their favorite weapon and then measured for fortitude. The results were averaged and are presented below.

The graph speaks for itself.


In the spirit of full disclosure, I should tell you that I also play COD2 and my favorite weapon is the Luger. With all humility, I've been told I tested off the chart.